I Measure Every Grief
by wilsontoyourhouse
Summary: It's been ten years now. Can you believe it?


_I had a feeling that one of these would be coming. I just didn't expect it to be so soon._

_I feel a long A/N coming for the bottom._

_So yeah...this is my first (and probably only) 9/11 dedication fic._

_If it offends you in any way, shape or form, tell me, and I'll take it down immediately. I really don't want to offend anyone. _

_This takes place in the Strawberries/Never universe, just so you know. You don't have to read any of it to understand, but if you want to, by all means._

_I don't know if the poem's, like, in tune with this, but...it's I Measure Every Grief by Emily Dickinson_

_So...here we go..._

* * *

><p><em>~O~<em>

_I measure every Grief I meet  
>With narrow, probing, Eyes -<br>I wonder if It weighs like Mine -  
>Or has an Easier size.<em>

_~O~_

"…You want to _what?_"

Hinata looked up from her hands, which were tracing light patterns onto her swollen belly, and looked up to her husband, her face serious. "I want to go into the city," she said, "and see where-"

"Are you sure about that?" he interrupted her, frowning, "are you absolutely sure that you want to go see-"

His worries fell silent at the smile Hinata gave him, and she stood up from the table and walked over to him. "Yes," she assured him, cradling his face in her hand, "I'm sure. Ever since we've moved here, I…I've been thinking about this for a while."

Naruto bit his lip, looking down, his eyes roving over her stomach (twins, twins _they were having twins_, any day now, _any day_) before closing them and giving in with a sigh.

"Alright. We…we'll go this weekend. I'll let mom and dad take care of Chi for the day."

He smiled weakly at her, and Hinata grinned back, stretching onto her tiptoes to press a soft kiss to his lips.

_~O~_

_I wonder if They bore it long -  
>Or did it just begin -<br>I could not tell the Date of Mine -  
>It feels so old a pain -<em>

_~O~_

_ " Naruto?" _

_At the call of his name, a thirteen-year-old Naruto looked up, his heart instantly dropping to his feet when he saw the principal standing at the door, his expression grave. The principal beckoned to him, "just come with me, Naruto. You're not in trouble."_

_He tried to believe it, honest, but he just couldn't, leaving the classroom on trembling legs. The silence was tense on the way to the main office, and Naruto swore that his heart was going to leap up his throat any minute, it was pounding so hard._

_ When they entered the office, Naruto saw the people in the office looking at the small television in the corner, all of them frozen in place. At the sound of their entrance, a few people turned to see who it was, and their faces fell when they saw it was him. Naruto's brows wrinkled, confused, as he was herded to the guidance counselor's office and ushered inside. _

_As soon as he placed one foot inside, a small body leaped at him, wrapping her arms around him, trembling. Naruto's arms shot out, and he wrapped his arms around Hinata, steadying the both of them so they wouldn't fall._

_ "Hinata? Hey, what is it? What's wrong?"_

_She couldn't say anything, her voice stopped by her sobbing, and she just held Naruto even tighter, unable to speak. Over the top of her head, Naruto looked into the office, and saw the guidance counselor and his mother sitting at the desk, staring at the television, saying nothing._

_Curious, he looked at the television, and saw two tall buildings, one of them wreathed with smoke and flames._

_At the bottom of the television, he could see the bold words, '__**Plane crashes into World Trade Center'**_

_ Naruto felt as though he'd been struck in the head with a blunt object, his thoughts instantly becoming disjointed and confused. He clung to Hinata, his heart pounding at an unbearable rate, "what…what's going on…?" he finally croaked out, and his mother looked over at him with red rimmed grey eyes._

"_Naruto…" she said shakily, "Naruto, something…something's happening in America. In New York."_

_And just as she said that, another plane entered the screen, and slammed into the other, unscathed tower._

_~O~_

_I wonder if it hurts to live -  
>And if They have to try -<br>And whether - could They choose between -__-  
>It would not be - to die -<br>_

_~O~_

Naruto squeezed Hinata's hand tightly as they stepped off the bus and onto the busy sidewalk, making sure that she didn't get jostled too much by the people rushing by. Shifting the large bouquet in her arms, Hinata gave him a reassuring smile, and they walked down the street for a minute before ending up at a building, the sign saying '_**Tribute WTC Visitor Center'**_

Grabbing the doorknob, Naruto took in a shaky breath, and Hinata squeezed his hand, leaning into his side. Wrapping an arm around her, Naruto pulled open the glass door and ushered both of them inside.

_~O~_

_I note that Some - gone patient long -  
>At length, renew their smile -<br>An imitation of a Light  
>That has so little Oil -<em>

_I wonder if when Years have piled -_  
><em>Some Thousands - on the Harm -<em>  
><em>That hurt them early - such a lapse<em>  
><em>Could give them any Balm -<em>

_~O~_

_ Time seemed to slow down when the second plane slammed into the tower._

_Whatever Naruto was seeing, he knew that whatever was happening in America was definitely not an accident like he thought._

_He felt lost, and he absently stroked a distraught Hinata's hair, one panicked, hysterical thought running through his mind._

'My dad could be in there….my dad could be in there….**my dad could be in there'**

"_Mom," he said, proud of himself when he didn't hear his voice tremble, "have you heard from dad?"_

_ His mother said nothing, still staring blankly at the television, at the two smoking towers._

"_Mom," he said again, this time stronger, more insistent, "have you heard from dad? Has he called? At all?"_

_She looked over at him, and her not-answer said it all._

_Naruto felt his legs give out, and he and Hinata sunk to the floor, his quiet, panicked keening mixing in with the rumble of one of the towers slowly, gracefully, crumbling to the ground._

_~O~_

Hinata walked through every room, looked at every picture, and read every story, transfixed at the pain that wasn't her own, and yet…She looked over at Naruto, who was reading over the stories, his posture tense. The pain wasn't truly hers, and yet it was, because of him.

A gentle thump from the center of her body brought her out of her musing, and she absently rubbed her stomach at the gentle kicks pelting her from the inside. Once they passed, she reached up, brushing her fingers against one of the photos.

She couldn't help it then, and let her thoughts go downhill.

She couldn't help but wonder what happened to this unknown person, this sad statistic; what floor was she on? Was she able to get out, to get at least a little bit farther from the epicenter of disaster before it all crumbled? Or was she one of the lost ones, at the top of the world, trying to wave for help, or just get a little bit of air that wasn't strangled with smoke and flames, and they stumbled, slipped, and oh, for that second, for that one, terrifying second, did it feel, to them, like they were flying?

Her lips trembled, and she took a step back, pressing a hand to her mouth, trying to stop the morbid, awful thoughts from running through her mind.

Hinata held the bouquet tighter to her chest, letting the fragrance of gladiolus and hydrangea, snapdragon and statice, purple hyacinth and one lone daffodil waft around her, trying not to go back to some of the top-ten worst days of her life.

_~O~_

_ After that, Naruto didn't speak for three days._

_Everyone tiptoed around him, eyeing him cautiously as he stared blankly at his desk, saying nothing, seeing nothing. The only one who stayed by his side was Hinata, who was as silent as he was, deep shadows under her eyes as she wrung her hands nervously, her eyes flitting around the room._

_For three days, it was like that. No one talking to them. No one looking at them. It was like they'd become their own island._

_ And every time, for those three days, they'd go back to Naruto's house, where they'd go see his mother, who was curled up on the couch, holding a pillow, watching the news, a phone right by her side. And then, they'd go to his room, grabbing a snack along the way, and did their homework, occasionally glancing at the phone._

_And they'd wait. Wait and wait and wait, hoping, praying for the phone to ring._

_But it never did. _

_And Naruto felt his hopes sink to all new lows._

_~O~_

_Or would they go on aching still  
>Through Centuries of Nerve -<br>Enlightened to a larger Pain -  
>In Contrast with the Love -<em>

_~O~_

A hand gently placed itself on her shoulder, and Hinata jerked out of her thoughts with a soft hiss, stepping away from the photos. Naruto said nothing, and gently pulled her to his side, away from the pictures.

For a minute, they just stood there, Naruto's arms wrapped around Hinata as she slowly gathered her wits and tried so hard not to cry.

Finally, Naruto spoke, "come on," he said, tugging her away from the photos, the stories, the pain, "we have one more place to go, right? And then, we'll go visit mum and dad for a while."

Hinata nodded, still unable to say anything, and let herself get pulled away from the memorials.

But as they left, exiting one of the many memorials, reverent tombs in the city, Hinata couldn't help but look back over her shoulder.

_~O~_

_The Grieved - are many - I am told -  
>There is the various Cause -<br>Death - is but one - and comes but once -  
>And only nails the eyes -<em>

_~O~_

_It was on the fifth day when things finally, finally began to look up._

_Naruto was sitting in his history class, silent as the grave, when the phone that was in the classroom began to ring. The teacher reached out, answered it, and when his eyes instantly snapped to Naruto, his heart felt like it had gone to a complete stop._

_His teacher said nothing, holding out the phone to him, and Naruto saw his lips tremble; maybe he was trying to stop himself from crying._

_His steps were heavy and his arms were full of lead as he grabbed the phone with shaking hands and pressed it to his ear._

"…_Hello?" his voice was shaky, and it cracked with nervousness and disuse._

_ It was silent on the other end for a moment, and Naruto expected to hear the sobs of his mother, or the calm words of some unknown adult. Instead, he received a more out-there result:_

"_Hey, kiddo."_

_The phone almost slipped out of his hand, and a sound somewhere between a gasp and a hiccup escaped him, making the person on the other line chuckle weakly._

_He missed that laugh; he missed it more than words could ever describe, no matter how weak it was, and it made tears instantly fill his eyes and spill over._

_Shaking, sniffling, and feeling more relieved than ever, Naruto wiped at his eyes, "hi," he choked out, not caring about who saw his tears, "hi…dad."_

_~O~_

_There's Grief of Want - and Grief of Cold -  
>A sort they call "Despair" -<br>There's Banishment from native Eyes -  
>In sight of Native Air -<em>

_~O~_

They were standing in front of a small sea of flowers and cards. Hinata faintly wondered if the flowers ever died.

Looking at her bouquet and giving it one last squeeze, she gently placed it among the rest, a splash of bright colors among the reds, whites and blues. She didn't stand yet, glancing over at the cards, at the words of people who still missed family members so much that it _ached_.

It made a lump rise in her throat, and she sniffled, blinking back tears. Hinata opened her mouth, closed it, and opened it again, finding the words, "…I'm sorry," she simply said, "I'm so sorry."

Heaving a great sigh, Hinata pushed herself up, placing a hand on her large stomach and the small of her back as she wobbled slightly. Brushing her hands against her pants, she turned, looking for Naruto.

She found him a few feet away, looking up at the buildings. Hinata looked up, too, trying to see what he was staring at, and her eyes quickly locked onto the half-done building, the glass glittering in the sun. It was massive; Hinata knew that if you climbed to the top of the building now, you could probably see the entirety of the city.

Naruto looked over at her when she reached out and grabbed his hand.

He shrugged and smiled, "I know we're not really….from here…but," he looked back up at the unfinished building and sighed, "it's all still very…sad…" Hinata said nothing, pressing her forehead against his arm and closing her eyes.

"…It's gonna be beautiful," Naruto gestured to the building, "I can't wait to see it. I really can't."

_~O~_

_ "I've decided to go to America for a while."_

_Hinata's pencil clattered to the table, and she looked at Naruto, astonished. _

"_Wha-"_

"_I already talked to mom about it, and she said it was fine. I think she'll be coming with me, too, actually…I'll be going there for school and stuff. I'll be back."_

_Hinata swallowed loudly, and grabbed her pencil, starting back on her schoolwork even though her hand trembled, "how long?" she said softly, and she was glad that her voice didn't tremble._

"_Wha-"_

"How long?_"  
><em>

_ Naruto scratched the back of his head nervously, "oh. Um…maybe a year. Or two. Or…three."_

_She stared at him blankly, "but…that's a long time. You're going to school over there for that long?"_

_He grimaced, "it's, ah, kind of…required? To be in there for that long."_

_Hinata didn't even blink, "…oh."_

_She looked at her paper, seeing nothing; she believed him, honestly, because it was Naruto and he never lied to her._

_ But…couldn't he have at least told her the entire truth? _

_It wouldn't be just for school; he wanted to be near his father. After they got the call from Minato, who was in the hospital from inhaling the ash and smoke of the falling towers; he had been running some errands in the area before…everything._

_He was fine now; released from the hospital and everything, back at his own home, not a bump or bruise in sight. '_But,'_ she thought to herself, '_I guess being told that isn't enough for him'

_Hinata blinked, and tears spattered onto her paper._

_ Naruto saw, of course; he saw everything._

_He reached out, squeezed her hand, and she clenched her eyes shut and sniffled, more tears pattering onto her paper._

"_I'm gonna miss you," she said, her voice clogged with tears she was trying to suppress, and twisted her hand around so she could hold his properly._

_Naruto smiled, "yeah…I'm gonna miss you to. I'll write, and call every day, and send as many e-mails as I can."_

_Hinata sniffled again and nodded, holding on to his hand as tight as she could, unwilling to let it go._

_~O~_

_And though I may not guess the kind -  
>Correctly - yet to me<br>A piercing Comfort it affords  
>In passing Calvary -<em>

_~O~_

Turning away from the building, Naruto grinned at her, "Well…are you ready to go? We can get something to eat on the way to the bus stop…"

Hinata perked up at that, "Ice cream? Strawberry ice cream?"

He snickered, and pulled her close (well, as close as he could, anyway, her protruding stomach a slight obstacle), "yeah, ice cream sounds pretty good, actually. Double scoop? I'll pay!"

"Oh, no, you don't have-"

"Aww, it's no big deal, really! C'mon, this way-"

Naruto swung their joined hands in time to their steps, and Hinata turned back, glancing once more at the flowers and the unfinished building.

Pressing her fingers to her lips, she stretched out her hand to the memorial, '_goodbye,'_ she thought, '_I'll come see you again'_

She looked away, scooting closer to Naruto, and closed her eyes when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

'_I know we're not really….from here…but...it's all still very…sad…'_

Naruto was right; even though they weren't from here, they were still connected to that day, and…it _did_ hurt. It _was_ sad. She'd never forget, for as long as she lived; she'd remember the confusion, the fear, the days of waiting and silence and hopelessness afterwards.

But now, Hinata can remember this, too; the proof that everything, somehow, really _would_ be okay. And that's what she really wanted to know; that's what she wanted to see, after all these years.

They were really healing. They would be fine.

_~O~_

_To note the fashions - of the Cross -  
>And how they're mostly worn -<br>Still fascinated to presume  
>That Some - are like My Own -<em>

_~O~_

* * *

><p><em>I don't remember 911/01. Like, the actual day. _

_Granted, I was, like, eight at the time, but...the entirety of the day is just a huge blank spot. I don't even remember going to school. It's like I blocked it out or something._

_So, for the past nine years, it's just kind of been a...day. A day that terrible things happened, yes, but I wasn't really in tune with it, because I haven't seen anything of that day. I didn't really grasp it, I guess._

_Until my senior year in high school. _

_We watched a documentary of 9/11 for a project in psychology, and I got to see the attacks for the very first time. And then, I was **in **_**it**. _I was in tune to it completely, and...man, I was shaken for the rest of the day. _

_I never forget 9/11, even though I didn't know much about it, and after that day in school, I really, truly won't. I don't know if I got the museums and the memorials right, 'cause I've never been, and oh my gosh, do iIwant to go._

_But I know I got Tower One right. I can't wait for the day that it'll be completed. I think it'll be beautiful._

_And I've been hearing a lot of stuff about conspiracies and the like, and I...so don't care. It just irritates me every time someone talks about it, really. Conspiracy or terrorist attack, it doesn't matter; people still died. Pointlessly. Someone lost a husband, a wife, a son or daughter, a brother or sister, a best friend, a coleauge. I mean, maybe it does matter...I don't know...but it's all still very, very sad, and very, very raw. I didn't lose anyone on that day, 'cause I don't have much family in New York, and I'm grateful...for those who have, I'm so sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I really, really am. _

_So...I'll just step off my little soap box now. I do hope that you, well...that it was okay._

_Oh! On a lighter note...I got a tumblr? So...if you'd like for me to put up a link, then, um...just let me know. Okay? _

_And! The flowers! I can't believe I almost forgot..._

_Gladiolus: Symbolizes _strength of character, faithfulness_ and _honor_. The Gladiolus flower signifies **_remembrance_**_

_Hydrangea: Symbolizes **_heartfelt emotions_**. It can be used to express _gratitude_ for being understood. In its negative sense hydrangea symbolizes frigidity and heartlessness._

_Snapdragon: Symbolizes **_graciousness_ and _strength_**. Its negative connotations include deception and presumption _

_Statice: Symbolic of **_remembrance_**. It also symbolizes **_sympathy_** and _success__

_ Hyacinth: P_layfulness_ and a _sporty attitude_ and in its extreme rashness. Hyacinths also denote _constancy_. Blue hyacinth stands for constancy, **purple for sorrow**, red or pink for play, white for loveliness and yellow for jealousy._

_ Daffodil: R_egard_ and _chivalry_. It is indicative of _**rebirth**, **new beginnings** and eternal life_. It also symbolizes unrequited love. A **single daffodil foretells a misfortune, **while a bunch of daffodils indicate _


End file.
